I told you in my last post that I was going to get personal on here. Not as personal as some of you perverts might like, but just enough to allow you to get to know me a bit more. Also, if you still haven't caught on to my humor, this probably isn't the the blog you want to waste your time reading. Beforehand, I want to mention I am not a professional psychologist and my relationship is NOT perfect! I'm writing from experience and what I've gained from it. This is also a nutshell version of a book I'm writing. Who knows when it will be ready. (shrugged shoulders emoji) Now, to the point:
Many people have asked me how I stay sane being in a relationship with a musician who is gone more than he is home. Not only that, but how we made a 2 year long-distance relationship work.
He's actually miserable. Ha. kidding. The number one thing I tell people when they ask these questions is the obvious answer: TRUST. I feel like people have heard that answer way too often, so when they hear it from me, they act as if it's not as big of a word as it actually is. Dude. You HAVE TO fully trust the person you're with. They are with you for a reason and you are with them for a reason. We hear about cheating all of the time, but you have to consider your relationship an exception from the beginning! If you poison your thoughts with "what if's", you're committing self-sabotage. It's difficult. Being in that relationship 1000 miles away was THE most difficult thing I've emotionally done. For me, I had to consider if it was worth all of the emotional rollercoasters. BUT I also had to consider the fact that this man treated me like a jewel; like I've always wanted a man to treat me. I didn't want to lose that because of issues I've had in my past that caused jealousy......SO, I stayed and I learned to trust.
You don't have to change the person you are, but you do need to acknowledge what the other person deserves.
The second thing I would recommend is COMPROMISE. It's easy to think "I deserve this" or "these are my terms" but it's a challenge to accept that those terms don't apply to everyone. Loving someone is learning to focus less on your wants, and concentrate on what the other person needs. Your thoughts should change from "I'll apologize in the morning" to "would I appreciate it if THEY were doing this?" If this is a healthy relationship, it should be reciprocated....which leads me to my next bullet point:
Even if you are the most introverted person in the world, your relationship will suffer if you do not COMMUNICATE! I don't know how to stress this enough... I was the typical teenage girl who would get upset and then say nothing was wrong (in a super passive aggressive manner) but ESPECIALLY since we were long distance, that made me feel worse. Even if you're upset for the stupidest reason in the world, tell your person! They need to know. They need to know what bothers you and how they can avoid it, or better explain the situation to put your heart at ease.
Last, but certainly not least, know how to be INDEPENDENT. Of course, they've got your back and you've got theirs, but you need to have your own things going on when they're not around. Be happy without them.... and that much happier when you get to see them! THANG GOD for my newly busy schedule with photography and the girlfriends I've made!!! I am so blessed to have these things going on in my life. You need something of your own! You can't depend on another person to fill all of your happiness. What happens when they leave for a month?! You're just sad all month?? NO! I forbid it! haha Be happy with your job! Do something you love and you're proud of! MAKE MONEY!
Now with my personal relationship,
we both live in Nashville but his heart is on the road. He loves touring! Initially, it was extremely difficult to get used to because I thought that by moving to the same city, I'd see more of him. Even with 2 years of practice, I had to alter my mindset. He's doing this and it makes him happy, but he's also doing this to provide for OUR future family. Like any other job, he spends time away and he does it for me. The fact that he doesn't absolutely hate his job helps too. :) Knowing this helps me when he's gone. I TRUST him, we COMMUNICATE, and I have my own life. I know our relationship isn't conventional and not everyone agrees with the way we handle things, but so far, so good! I've learned to love this schedule. Sometimes it's annoying, yes, but what job isn't? I get to have time to myself and time with my friends, and when I see him again for the first time, I fall in love all over again. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm thankful for this passion he has with the road. Who knows if we'd take each other for granted if we were with each other every day... Every relationship is different. God gave me the one that's helping me grow as a confidant woman, challenging me emotionally, and giving me all the good I deserve! Him.. HIM. (sigh)
FYI..... I'm 2 glasses in, soo..... cheers.
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-Seleste V. (soon-to-be L.)
Thank you!